Hope Economics
Nco v1.3
Roald had been shopping for two hours. He purposely got family-sized everything, made sure every clerk walked him to the products he couldn't find, then returned Chinese food to the deli after explaining he only ate ethnic foods cooked by non-Caucasians.
Big Joe shrugged behind the counter and returned the cash after Roald used his ATM and presented a receipt. It was a corporate store and none fussed.
The bread took ten minutes to wait for oven fresh. There was potential for suit after the 400 degree oven dispensed a lumpy loaf into a thin paper bag.
Roald wasn't sue happy though. He appreciated fresh bread and often took an entire basket to load up any 'cheapies' showing the slightest bit of white on the bottom.
A checker had once accosted him on this point swearing that the white powder was flour, while Roald maintained in a resonating voice that the bread was indeed moldy.
A Lady Dee driver had once followed him around the lot after this weekly event.
Nothing had come of it right then, but the following week there were multiple shopping cart collision marks on the driver side paneling of Roald's car.
Roald-the-shopper wanted to know the country of derivation for produce. He wanted to know why the grocery store didn't give away fruit degreaser, dewaxer, degasser if they in fact gave away free grease, wax, gas and insects with most of their greens.
This was another potential suit that Roald-the-shopper would forgo. He remembered his parents and his uncle in a court battle over a family boat.
It was civil enough, not having parents to decide the matter but using a city magistrate instead. Each side spent three thousand dollars for the retainer.
The original case took a year to complete after which Roald's mother decided to salvage her relationship with the uncle and offered an inheritance property instead.
This seemed great to the uncle who was Squabbling over a five thousand dollar boat.
The house never exchanged title
and now the boat suit had turned into a house suit, twenty years later.
The courts had a way of over complicating things.
For two hours Roald read labels and put items in his cart. He would have to buy a larger freezer soon.
The stores butcher didn't like to make conversation while he cut.
Roald watched him stab at a ribcage while he interviewed about side dishes.
Sometimes the meat man cut himself during these interviews.
Barbera Walters could make celebrities cry.
Roald had a penchant for getting the blood of butchers.
There were always flowers to buy.
Would they allow him to return the thing if it should die? The hardware store had such a program, why didn't the grocery.
Roald had once rented a steam cleaner and refused to buy the associated steam cleaner solution. Instead he mixed one part laundry detergent with five parts water.
This worked pretty well but required several passes to get out the undissolved solids.
The grocery story put the shoppers name on a permanent rental black list.
The video department was less frigid.
Our renter refused to rewind, citing that a free rewind should be part of the transaction.
If they were stuffy, Roald would claim that his rewind didn't work and why didn't they offer a free cleaning tape with every fifth rental anyways?
Didn't they service what they sold? The electronic store on the next road did.
Roald preferred private labels items due to price.
He often massed eighty or so items and then looked for a freight specialist to explain who manufactured the item.
"You don't know who made this? How can you sell it then? I once found bone in your private label beef soup. Did you put it there or someone else?"
Once a freight specialist had the audacity to give Roald a corporate phone number.
Roald asked why they were hiding their supply sources.
"We change suppliers from time to time." explained a manager.
"How can you guarantee anything if it's not consistent? Does price only entice or is there some magical formula for saying they made it and you named it?"
None answered Roald directly but instead smiled and asked if he didn't prefer a national brand.
This is when Roald started asking why Marlboro cigarette company made Kraft Cheese, Degiorno Pizza and Miller Beer.
"Does this mean that cheese will kill me too?"
Roald figured the good people at Philip Morris were trying to corner the market on vice.
It didn't matter how many commercials they ran to show they gave people water after a rainstorm. This reminded Roald of the Plastic Council of America spending ten million to promote polycarbonates as a necessary evil.
If plastics are so NECESSARY, why spend the money on unnecessary promotion?
The bottle water distributor didn't know.
The San Miguel merchandiser didn't know if his beer was two, three or four percent alcohol.
"They dip a ladle into a large vat. Each beer is different, you never know what you get."
Roald did the math and wondered how that would work in a DUI trial with body weight.
Since he hated courts and cheap bread, by extension yeasty beer products--
Roald decided to forgo any conclusions at this time.
Roald wondered why the "natural foods" cost more than the processed ones.
Wasn't there more work involved in the latter?
Could he get a discount on milk that did not derive from hormone injected cows?
He imagined that the special cow doctor cost plenty of money.
Why hadn't ketchup, mustard and other pour and squeeze items not adopted the packaging of Pantene's upside down shampoo?
Why was carbonated water by the liter more expensive than sodas that added caramel color, flavor and sugar?
Why are baguettes as much or more expensive than French loaves if they are half the size?
Why are bulk foods scooped and set to the height of children when most people don't wash after the restroom, especially children.
After two hours of shopping Roald rolled his cart to the busiest register.
He asked for a "quantity discount" and the checker looked dumbfounded.
A senior manager was called to address the customer after all items were scanned and bagged.
"We don't negotiate on items.
If you want a deal make sure you buy products that are on sale."
Roald asked if it would take long for the clerks to return two hours of shopping.
The manager didn't answer.
Roald asked if the union workers restocking the groceries would not need at least ten dollars in labor to return the products to shelf.
Roald asked if the manager would like to earn his business at this time or if he rather Roald go down the street.
The next five shoppers also received a discount.
Total savings: sixty dollars.
Total negotiation: every trip.
